I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
