We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
