I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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