HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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