my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We got so high we made milksteak
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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