I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
