my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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