in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
