He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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