I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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