I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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