The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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