I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
