i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
