i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
