Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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