You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
