You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
