I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
