gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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