I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
