the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
