I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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