I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
