Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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