my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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