Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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