i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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