I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
