i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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