Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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