Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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