My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
