Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
