walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
