Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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