oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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