I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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