I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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