So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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