why didn't you poke me back
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
