i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
