We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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