If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
