I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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