the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
