I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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