i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
