Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
