What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
