It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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