my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
